We all live fast paced lives, fulfilling responsibilities, chasing dreams, caring for loved ones and sometimes not forgetting to care for ourselves.
Some of the time, when we are not too busy to think, the best of us go through those feelings of self doubt. Are we really shammers ? Are w e faking it to make it ? Do we really have what it takes to succeed ? We are all guilty of feeling this way at some point or the other.
I was guilty of feeling this a lot. My life was a race from the time I managed to drag myself out of bed, through the drive to work, the crazy hours at the desk achieving targets and trying to make those reports make sense and the few hours of being social at the end of the day to feel like a normal person. Yes I was doing my best, but I somehow didn’t feel as accomplished as I would have liked.
I decided to break my daily routine a bit and decided to try an hour of fitness every day. The regime that appealed to me the most was Yoga. Why ? Because Yoga lets you take each movement with a channeled focus on getting the posture correct, it makes you focus on the core of it all, your breath and it gives you time during each Asana to look within. That was the time in the day I started to actually stop and look within. To really see if this was a facade of a person pretending that everything was going as planned or if this was just another human without all of the answers but doing her best with each passing day. I saw the latter. Initially I was scared to get so close to someone, that someone being me. But later, I looked forward to it. Over the months I would stop dreading the aches and pains of each class and look forward to the sixty minutes when while my body was getting its workout, my mind was focussing inward.
Still, I was a novice in class. There were people not huffing and puffing, panting and rolling over, just completely at ease. I tried really hard to catch up. But, there was one Asana, the Sarvangasana, the shoulder stand that I would just gape at other practitioners and wonder how they could achieve this position so naturally. I really and truly believed my body was not cut out for it and this would never be for me.
I pressed on. I started learning more about myself with every meditation session, with every sixty minutes and as my body got stronger, my mind did too. I used that time each day to filter my thoughts, undisturbed and channelize my focus inward. My body took its time but my mind started to get stronger, clearer.
Then one day, the dreaded Sarvangasana. And we had one of those teachers who wouldn’t accept those “sorry please excuse me from this one” looks. I just had to do it. So while everyone naturally drifted into the pose, I dragged my Yoga mat to the corner of the room and tried again, against the wall.
And then I did it. My legs naturally flowed with the movements, then my hands, then my back and before I knew it, I was in the pose the rest of the class was in. I wasn’t watching them, I was joining them. Yes, I was awkward, but I did it. Not because my body was so much fitter but because my mind was calmer, more focused.
This made me so happy, a simple Asana, made me so thrilled. It made me realize my mind is where it’s all at. I focus my mind on the direction I want to go and it will take me there. Either on two feet or standing on my head.